Match report;

The first Saturday of April brought the most successful men’s team in Chew Valley Rugby Club - (highest win percentage, most wins per games played, least defeats per games played), apologies Gats and Stoner, these are just facts, nothing judgmental implied, found themselves with a glamorous fixture away to St. Bernadette’s.

The mighty 3’s had decided to stick with their non-training mantra, not because it’s clearly the most successful method of navigating a long season.

No, the decision was taken given that the St. Bernadette’s pitch is a 3 day camel ride from their changing rooms.

The intrepid Valley heroes arrived to find that they would be sharing a changing room. However, things took a turn for the worse, when our changing room colleagues had brought a musical device with no vinyl in sight and proceeded to play “music” from 50 Cent, OutKast and Dr Dre!

Matt “40 years of senior rugby” Flannigan was further confused to learn that Dr Dre has no medical qualifications whatsoever!

And so to the game…

Following a change to their pre-match routine by not standing in a circle and passing the ball around, the gallant Chew Valley warriors were struck by the playing surface. There are many great sporting venues - the centre court at Wimbledon, the outfield at Lord’s, the 18th green at Augusta and the green baize at The Crucible.

But there is nothing on God’s green and pleasant land that can quite prepare you for the St. Bernadette’s pitch.

There are unconfirmed reports the pitch in question finished in 275,000 places in The Chelsea Flower Show’s best lawn in England (just behind the car park at Lobbington’s)

Anyway, I digress.

The boys in green were valiant and did smite their foes.

A final score of 41-19 to the boys from the valley including the obligatory try from the highest tries per game superstar that is Steve “the phenomenon” Penfold.

One game to play, one win needed for the title.

C’mon you mighty Chew Valley 3’s.